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Principal
Points Adolescence to Adulthood Some time ago I wrote on the issue of Parental Authority in the home. I stressed the importance of parents recognizing their
God given authority and exercising it in a responsible fashion. This is an
element of the parent-child relationship that a parent must not abandon, for
they are accountable to God to raise up their children in the way they should
go. However, a question naturally arises from that article: “At what point is a
parent no longer in authority over their children?” Or, put another way, “At what point does a child become an adult and
therefore accountable to God for their own actions?” For some reason, God has designed people to mature more slowly than
almost any other living creature. It takes us between nine and thirteen years
to reach a stage where we can reproduce and another seven or so until we are
considered adults. While much has been written about childhood and adolescence
and the difficult transition between the two, very little is said about that
next step: the move from adolescence to adulthood. This is unfortunate because it is so spiritually significant. There are a number of ages that people typically consider to be the
point at which a child becomes an adult. Often sixteen is mentioned because in
our country a child can leave home and not be forced to return. They can drive
at that age. Sometimes eighteen is mentioned because that is the legal voting
age and sometimes the legal drinking age. Historically, we have used twenty-one
as the cut off point. Some people think it is at age thirteen because Jewish
boys are welcomed into the adult community at that age. However, all of these are cultural markers, and
none of them are actually grounded in Scripture. The Bible is pretty clear on when a child becomes an adult. It is at
the age of twenty.
The phrase “twenty years old” appears 30 times in the Bible (NAS) and very
clear expectations were made of those who were twenty and older. They were to
give the contributions to build the Tabernacle (Ex. 30:14), they were counted
for taxation (Lev. 27:5), available for war (Nu. 1:3), counted in the census (Nu. 1:18), and were considered ready to serve as Levites (1Chr. 23:24) and
most importantly they died in the wilderness for grumbling against the Lord (Nu. 14:29). By contrast, the phrase “thirteen years old” appears only once and
refers to the age at which Ishmael was circumcised. Since Abraham was ninety-nine
and circumcised on the same day, we cannot draw any conclusions from that. The
only other age of significance in the Bible is thirty, which appears to be the
age at which a Levite could actually serve in the temple as a priest (1Chr.
23:3 & 31:16). The Bible, then, is quite clear that at the age of twenty and older a person is
considered responsible for their own lives. They are given adult freedoms and
adult responsibilities. A
child remains a child and under the authority of parents until they either
remove themselves from their parents’ home or reach the age of twenty. At that
point, the primary relationship changes from one of authority to one of advice.
Now, this is not to say that if the son or daughter continues to live in the
parents’ home after the age of twenty there is no relationship of authority.
However, the nature of a parents’ authority in this situation is simply that of
any two brothers and sisters in Christ who share a home together. The owner has
certain rights and privileges and anyone living in the home must respect those
or leave. If both parent and child recognize this Biblical marking point,
then they can work steadily toward that point. The child knows that at a
certain age, they will be considered by God to be fully accountable for their
actions but that prior to that point God holds them accountable to obey their
parents. The parent
should be gradually giving increasing freedoms and responsibilities to the
child with the understanding that adulthood will be reached (ready or not!) at
age twenty. My wife and I have made it a practice when our children reach
twenty to sit down with our children and celebrate this turning point. We write
a letter to them rejoicing in the privilege we have had in bringing them to
this point. We highlight their gifts and calling, and formally release them
into God’s hands as an adult. We remain committed to them for life to provide guidance when they
ask, but we no longer act as their authority or provider. They are adults.
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